all these non-stop coughing is killing me. having a slight sore throat. maybe not a sore throat, just feeling my throat swell like that. should be going for my blood test today. but didnt. too broke meaning no money. it's such a chore lor. going to the doc every couple of weeks, making an effort not to miss my medicine. that doc say i cant afford to miss my medication. ahhh, wth. who cares lor. bleks.

i fear every blood test. fear the needle might break, fear the nurse cant extract my blood pro enough etc. but everytime i just have to concede defeat under the needle cause i've nowhere to head already. i have no fucking choice. i fear the blood test results. i fear this. i fear that.

i hate to grow up. i hate to know so much. i hate having the need to supress all my emotions in this world. i hate to see people who fake their way through every single thing. 明明不甘心, 可是还装模作样, 装着很开心. sometimes i really dont understand every thing that is happening around. is it me or is it me? that now my thoughts are so confused. i dont know who to trust. cause it's like everyone i know is so fake.

a few more days to consider whether to take the blood test anot. fucking shit. so ex, then must wait so long. darn.

anyway, i've such a sweet bf. he wouldnt let me die before him. aint he sweet? =D but ya, even if i did die before him, i wouldnt have much regrets lah. cause at least i've got my chance to know him. =) ermmm, maybe a few like just not being able to visit ht cause of circumstances.

my sis is ktv-ing. what a miracle!

fei fei lie flat on the floor yest. super cute. =D but she got scolded for chasing mochi. haha.

i should have let him stay at my house today. i'm regretting. =(

I LOVE YOU!